Hung-over and grumpy.

Through blurry eyes I sat and watched the news this morning.

The main story was about a “hard hitting” new ad campaign to combat binge drinking. Now I might be being a bit thick here, but wont binge drinkers miss the adverts because they’re at the pub ? Why does our government see fit to try and control every waking moment of our lives ? You have two options, either lump booze in with other harmful drugs and ban it, or legalise everything and let us all make informed choices.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t nuclear warheads weapons of mass destruction ? This puzzles me because we invaded Iraq just in case they some of these, it turns out they didn’t but our efforts in the middle east have made it such a wonderful place to live and bring up your kids. I wonder why we haven’t given North Korea the benefit of out lifestyle makeover ? They have admitted having tested nuclear weapons, and all the evidence suggests they actually did. They are also communist; this must tick every box on the US “reasons to kick a country’s ass” list. Maybe George hasn’t seen the news in a couple of weeks, maybe he’s away playing golf. As soon as he gets back I’m sure all those brave GIs will be making their way over, followed by our boys. Pretty soon there’ll be peace and prosperity in whichever part of the world North Korea is in. It’s just thought, but maybe the US and the UK and the UN are shit scared of old Kim and his big tooled up army. Anyway, they’re closer to China, they should sort them out, we’ll do our bit. No more exports for you Kim old boy. That’ll learn him.

I see some environmental groups are telling us we should stop flying on holiday, and we should maybe stay at home. If these people would just come out and say what they mean I would respect them more. What they really mean is: “I don’t want poor people sunning themselves around the same pool as me just because some cheap airline will ferry them to Mexico for £99”. When I’m lying on a beach somewhere and little Skyler and his seven siblings are running round uncontrolled by their feckless parents, I have the same thoughts. I don’t dress it up as an environmental hazard, I admit to being a grumpy snob. If you really want to combat global warming by reducing emisions, get on the phone to China and ask them very nicely to stop pumping millions of tonnes of CO2 into the atmosphere with their outmoded industrial techniques. Then we can all fuck off on our holidays and shout at chavs.