Saturday, July 22, 2006  

Simon’s law.

I don’t know about you, but I think Sarah’s law doesn’t go far enough. It should be extended to fit all crimes. If a burglar moves into my area I want to know about it, or a rapist or a car thief. What about drug dealers and prostitutes ? Good law abiding citizens should be aware of exactly who is living in their area. Another aspect of the proposed law is also lacking. The fact that you have to open your door as the paedophile goes around informing his new prospective neighbours is too much trouble. I have come up with a solution.


A small tattoo on the forehead would save us all the trouble and anxiety of actually speaking to these undesirables, just one letter inside a small circle would let everyone know who they were dealing with. A paedophile would have a small P…..

Obviously, in these troubled times we have people who have committed multiple crimes, for them we have the cartouche. Several small letters inside a small cartouche would denote exactly what they had been convicted of. A car thief who had burgled houses and mugged people would have…

At least we wouldn’t have any more paediatricians burned out of their houses by angry mobs, fired by a manipulating media bent on mob rule.

| posted by Simon | 10:01 pm | 0 comments

Monday, July 10, 2006  

These things take time.

We had a great time in Turkey and then decided to decorate the living room, hence no internet for a while.

My potted world cup summary:

Italy deserved to win, their defence was awesome.
France did better than I expected.
Germany didn’t have the bottle to go all the way.
Portugal are a cheating bunch of maggots.
USA proved that 2002 was a fluke, as we all knew.
Brazil fell for their own hype.
Spain did exactly as everyone expected, played well but lost.
Argentina think they’re a great side, but they’re not.
The rest were instantly forgettable.
Graham Poll gave much needed light entertainment between the agony of England’s inept displays.
England should have done better. (see below)

Sven’s big book of football tactics.
Part 3 – Tournament football.

Chapter 4 – Quarter finals.

When reaching the quarter finals of a major football tournament, ensure you adopt a boring defensive formation. Play your key players out of position and ensure you have little cover for injuries (see chapter 1 team selection). Having done that, play an unfit striker up front on his own and have the rest of the team running round like headless chickens in a futile attempt to get the ball to him.

If this doesn’t work see chapter 8 (resignation)

| posted by Simon | 6:03 pm | 0 comments
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