Barrel scraping #295

1. Have you had sex in the past 24 hours? No.
2. Are you gay? No, but only because I've never met a man pretty enough.
3. Do you have hairy legs? Yes.
4. Do you smoke anything? Not any more.
5. Do you like monkeys? Not a big fan of chimps, but I would quite like a squirrel monkey butler.
6. How many fillings do you have? Some, I can't see inside my own mouth to count.
7. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Ocean.
8. Have you ever licked one of those square batteries? Yes.
9. Have you ever read the Bible? No, it’s worse than the sun.
10. Did you ever go to Sunday School? Once.
11. Do you wear a lot of black? No.
12. Did you ever bring a weapon to school? Did I ever “take” a weapon to school ? No.
13. Have you ever hugged a tree? No.
14. Do you know what a sphincter actually is? Yes.
15. Describe your hair? Short and brown.
16. Are you a wild beast? I’m a mild mannered mammal.
17. Do you like to have fun? I like to enjoy myself, fun sounds far too wholesome for my liking.
18. Do you like drama? No, I like a good scrap.
19. Have you ever taken a bong hit? Yes.
20. Do you like mayonnaise? Yes.
21. Are you afraid to die? Yes, I want to live forever. I understand this may sound a little ambitious but fuck it, if you don’t aim high…
22. Do you like playing in leaves? I used to love autumn, but as I’ve gotten older I prefer summer.
23. Have you ever peed your pants as an adult? No.
24. Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult? No, vomiting for me is a very private thing.
25. Are you an adult? I’m 40, but there’s no way I’m an adult. I feel 17.
26. Ever won a spelling bee? Fuck off !
27. Do you ever eat because you’re depressed? No, I eat because I’m a greedy bastard, I don’t need to make crap excuses for that fact that I’m fat.
28. Are you a television addict? No, it’s been shit for the last 15 years.
29. Do you think OJ was guilty? Don’t care, the American legal system is one of the few things that is more corrupt and twisted than American politics.
30. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? She lives 350 miles away and we don’t really miss each other.
31. Have you ever had sex in a hot tub? Yes.
32. Do you like Elvis? Yes, but not as much as the Beatles.
33. Do you enjoy watching animals "do it" on the Discovery channel? No, I like my porn to feature several young women, and I couldn't give a flying fuck that you think that's sexist.
34. Have you ever had sex with a total stranger? Yes, when I was 15.
35. Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys? Turkey scare the shit out of me, as does anything that flutters.
36. Does your mum think someone is hot? Don’t know.
37. Are you a sugar freak? No.
38. Ever been arrested? Yes.
39. Ever commit a crime and get away with it? Every day behind the wheel of my car.
40. Do you like orange juice? Yes, as long as it’s laced with Smirnov blue label
41. What sign are you? Middle finger.
42. Where do you wish you were right now? Carribean.
43. Did you enjoy this? Not really, but I’ll take any content where I can get it at the moment.

Thanks to Gert for this lifeline.