Crap Haikus and other random stuff.

The Solway keeps us
warm all winter, it's spring and
now it fucking snows.

Workplace training has proven to be very enjoyable, I’m reasonably comfortable standing in front of a group of strangers telling them things. What I didn’t realise was that when you’re not doing that you’re being audited by one body or another. Last week was the turn of the LSC, the funding body for most of our training. I got a perfect score. Beginners luck probably, but now I’ve set the standard I have to keep it up. Bugger ! I also realised, the day before the audit, that I was stressed out about it. I got one of those neck aches that I used to get at the hell hole; the ones that made me feel sick. Not had one of those for ages. They used to be a daily occurrence, the gaps between them are now, thankfully, much longer. The next audit should be the ALI inspection, they don’t just look at my paperwork, they check everything and even chat to my candidates. I don’t think this will happen until at least September, so plenty of time to get ready for it.

I have recently become addicted to watching Turkeys, no not the feathered Christmassy ones, the crap films. The ones that are so bad they’re funny. It started with battlefield earth, and has included such cinematic gobblers as Chupacabra - dark seas, Pterodactyl, Komodo, and a few others so bad I can’t remember their names. The last one was Starship troopers 2, which was truly bad. These Turkey sessions are usually preceded by the Taxdodger sending a message on msn along the lines of…. “Oh my god, are you watching C5 ?” We have recently discovered a whole channel devoted to these gobble fests, the Horror channel ! It’s worth the sky subscription on its own. Unfortunately I missed Howling 7, but I’m sure it will be on again. I urge you to have a look, it’s so much better than the stand up comedy on paramount. (Apart from Bill Bailey obviously)

If I could see the sun through all these snow clouds, and we had a yard arm, I’m it would be well over it. I can smell beef cooking, so it’s time for a glass of wine.