Friday, July 16, 2004  

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
 
There’s so fucking many celebrity chefs, and most are shite. Gordon Ramsey seems to be getting a lot of exposure lately; he’s rapidly turning into one. I can remember the Galloping gourmet, he used to pick a woman out of the audience at the end of his show, and she would share the meal he had just cooked. Then he went all strange and started cooking healthy stuff….weirdo. I can barely remember Fanny Cradock, what a fucking horror she was, she looked like a hinge and bracket stunt double after a night on the piss. The plethora of TV chefs around today are flogging a dead horse, it’s all been done before. The two fat ladies (or Randal and Hopkirk deceased) scare the shit out of me; the adenoidal one has filthy fingernails, and the other one. …hang she’s still alive I’d better not slander her. All the others bar two can be grouped in the uninspiring column, they just don’t get my juices flowing; they don’t make me want it. The two that are left are Jamie Oliver and Keith Floyd. 
 
Jamie Oliver is a fat tongued mockney cunt, but he makes nice stuff, he isn’t arsey like Gary Rhodes and he seems to enjoy what he’s doing. That enthusiasm comes across and gets you thinking about food and combinations of tastes. I like the way he throws things together without cause to use scales or referring to a recipe card. To sum up, he’s a twat, but I’ll watch him cook. 
 
Keith Floyd is fantastic; I could watch him cook all day. His style is one I would love to emulate if I could actually boil a fucking egg without setting fire to the kitchen. He cooks traditional stuff, but he does it in fantastic places. He’s also not afraid of showing his balls-ups. He seems to be constantly pissed, which makes the whole thing so much better. A typical Englishman abroad, he seems to be able to fit in wherever he ends up, and he always cooks for other people, not a plate of some arty bollocks that no one is going to eat. Real food for real people and if they don’t like it he lets them say so. 
 
But the main reason why Floyd is the best TV chef: 
 
Jamie Oliver makes me want to cook; Keith Floyd makes me want to eat.  
 
Who’s your favourite and why ?
 

| posted by Simon | 10:43 pm | 0 comments
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