Closer, let me whisper in your ear....

Here’s how to do it:

1. Leave a comment on my blog saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond and ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your blog with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.


My questions are from Pogo.

1. What's the best thing about living where you live?

When we moved up here from Manchester the first thing we noticed was the slow pace of life, so much more chilled out. But after a while you adjust and everything seems the same. So was it the fresh air then ? Manchester smells so bad and Cumbria smells fresh and clean. In the last couple of years I have noticed a marked increase in traffic, and with it – fumes. Not that then. What about the food ? Well yesterday’s disaster notwithstanding, the quality of food in Cumbria is excellent. But you can get good food in any half decent town in the western hemisphere. No, the one thing that makes Cumbria an ace place to live……. The rest of the family are 150 fucking miles away !


2. The worst?

Burberry wearing, pasty eating, illiterate, red-neck, inbred fuckpigs.


3. The best sandwich in the world...?

This one is easy. When I worked in Stalybridge we used to get our breakfast from a pub called the Laughing Cavalier. They used to put a full breakfast on a muffin (bap – barm cake – tea cake – whatever you call the fuckers). To improve on the huge fucking thing, Tracy offered to make her version of it. A huge bread monster with sausage, bacon, egg, tomato, beans, black pudding and brown sauce. You have to be very careful because they will probably kill you if you have too many.


4. What's so scary about moths?

Hairy evil bastards ! I hate them because they try to get in my mouth. They don’t fly in a straight line, they flit about with no purpose other than to confuse and disgust. Cunts !


5. One skill you haven't got, but would dearly love to learn...?

This is a tough one. I suppose because I am so crap at DIY it would be something to do with making things. Considering my past exploits with wood, I think I’d choose joinery. It never ceases to amaze me when I watch a craftsman at work, they make it look so easy. There must be a great deal of satisfaction standing back to look at something you built yourself, and you get to wear one of those smart tool belts.