The holy trinity.

Warning, this post contains graphic reference to male bodily functions.

The holy trinity takes place in the bathroom, it takes a good ninety minutes and afterwards you feel fantastic. You must complete the trinity in a certain order, it throws the whole thing out of phase if you fuck with the intricate complexities. The trinity is; Shit, Shave and Shower.

Shit.

This must be a double flusher followed by a massive piss. The whole process should give you enough time to read a magazine, for instance the New Scientist or the monthly pull out section of the Observer. You could if you wish have a magazine rack next to the crapper. I have quite a large selection of old Web User magazines, a couple of Food and Sport monthly and a copy of Junky, by William S. Borroughs. Although the latter can and does change. When you have finished you should feel like you have lost weight and have learned at least one new thing.

Shave.

I have spent almost twenty five years perfecting this most menial of male tasks, this is what I have found to work best. First wash your face in very hot water and a good liquid soap. Solid soap has too high a caustic content and can dry the skin. Next is the shaving process itself. For this you will need a Gilette Mach3 razor a shaving brush and a pot of Palmolive shaving soap. The brush lifts all the hairs and makes it easy for the blade to get rid of them. After you have shaved twice, once down and then again up, you must rince your face in cold water to close all the pores. Dry with a clean towel and you're done. No cuts, no spots and no red rashes.

Shower.

Red hot and very soapy. Get out looking like a lobster. The glow stays with me for ages.

This has been my holy trinity for years, and a few other blokes I know. What puzzles me is, what is the female equivelent of the male holy trinity ?

Any ladies out there care to divulge ?