Sunday, November 30, 2003  

The big switch on.

Workington Christmas lights have been turned on today and no expense was spared. Face painters were employed to keep the kids happy, and a host of other attractions to make it a day to remember. So, who did the organisers pay to flick the switch I hear you ask ?

Neil Armstrong.

Unfortunately it wasn't the Neil Armstrong that walked on the moon, it was the Neil Armstrong who was in Byker grove. The good burgers of Workington failed to make the distinction, not that anyone with more than a couple of brain cells would have thought for one second that the lights were being switched on by an astronaut.

Peter Dean.

You may remember him from such TV programs as Eastenders and another one just after he left Eastenders, and probably pantomime. In an odd advertising mix-up he was billed as "TVs Ian Beale". Another tour de force of organisation from Workington council.

I cursed myself for not having the presence of mind to carry some rotten fruit to throw at the unfortunate media whores. When you have two "celebrities" of the calibre of these, stood on a podium in a cold wind-swept town centre, you have to wonder what you have to do to generate a nice big electrical storm. Now that would be worth seeing, a huge streak of lightening strikes Pete Beale and his flaming corpse starts a chain reaction that burns down the town, whilst a traumatised Neil Armstrong runs about the burning town centre shouting "why-eye pet, a div'nt fly fuck'n rockets man".

It could happen.

In the next instalment of bungling town centre management I'll tell you about the Christmas ice rink.

| posted by Simon | 5:17 pm | 0 comments
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