Semi sober post.

After City equipped themselves admirably against an under par Arsenal side I have to say I'm disappointed with no points. We are capable of so much more, and it's only the fact that I'm on my second bottle of red wine that I'm not more pissed off. I'm heartened by our performance, we played well first half but we seemed to stand off them second half and let them get a foothold. It speaks volumes for our progress that I feel so let down.

I have had precious little time to think about posting anything lately, I have been building a PC for the shop, decorating the dining room, trying to finish my first end of course assessment for the OU and on top of all that helping run the shop. It's perhaps as well I'm off work for a couple of weeks. The PC is finished, the dining room is 99% done and I'm on question 1 of my end of course assessment, it's about functional groups in molecules. which I can recognise as esters and alcohols, but I'm struggling with the second part which has to do with interactions with other molecules. I always struggle with London forces and hydrogen bonding. Never mind, the good thing about OU is that you can look in the book and refresh your memory.

The gallery has had one request; the taxdodger wanted a pic of him with his axe, which I duly obliged. He has also submitted a piece of computer art; I might get time to put that up later.

I can smell beef cooking; it's been marinated over night in red wine and peppercorns. We are having roasted veg' with It, and chocolate cheesecake with clotted cream afterwards. I only have one glass of red wine left so I had better be careful.

Sorry for waffling on, but I'm a bit pissed. I think I may have a little brandy left to finish off my meal with. Cheers everyone !

Oh, by the way, the comments are down. Sorry, but the server has gone west for some reason. They should be back up again by Tuesday at the latest. If you have anything pressing just drop me line in my mail.

Are you tired ?

Tired of slow download times on your P2P music program ? Thanks to the Taxdodger your waiting time is over. Go here, and download this. Ensure you set max downloads to about 50. I've just got four Black Crows tracks in about 20 minutes.

We went swimming again today, we both managed 12 lengths, and the plan is to up the distance each time we go. So in ten weeks we should be doing half a mile, yeah right !

Swimming.

Last week Tracy and me went to the baths. It's been nearly ten years since I last went swimming and I had a bit of a shock. When I was a lot younger (14 ish) I passed most of the swimming certificates that were on offer, including part of the Bronze medallion, which is a lifesavers badge. I swam 5 miles one day, for which I was sponsored, and represented my school at a national swimming competition. In short I was a fucking good swimmer and because I was young I put it all down to technique and not stamina.

Hence the look of sheer terror that plastered itself to my mush when I got half way down my first length, only to realise I was absolutely fucked and past the point of no return. I dragged what little reserve of energy I had left and managed to get to the side, where I stayed for about three minutes gulping in great lungs full of air. I started again and this time took it a lot slower. In total I did ten lengths in about thirty minutes. Ever the sensible one, Tracy did a little less but didn't make a complete twat of herself. After the thirty minutes we got out and went home, not much swimming time for nearly £5, but considering I didn't drown it was probably good value for money. We are going again on Tuesday; hopefully we will last a little longer.

Gallery.

It's finally up and running, look for the button on the far right panel.

I've started it off with three entries, but I'm relying on you the reader to make this work. If you have anything tucked away in a dusty corner of your hard drive, just send it in for everyone to look at. You can post anonymously if you feel more comfortable. Do you have any of the following ?

Photographs.
Drawings, paintings or computer artwork.
Poems, stories or other written work.
Web design.

As long as it's all your own work and you don't mind others looking at it, send it in. The more the merrier.

I have finally got around to it.

I have uploaded all the poems and lyrics onto simon-m, although I hit a snag with the photos. Most of them have been lost. A couple of months ago I had a virus that wiped out all my image files, most of which I had backed up. The photos weren't on the back up disc, but I thought it was ok because they were still on pravda88 and I could just copy them back to my hard drive. Then freeserve binned pravda88 and my plans were scuppered, I've looked everywhere but can't find them.

Some reasons, to prefer now over then.

Then:

Eighties fashions, they were fucking awful. Chunky jumpers over long flowing shirts. Leg warmers and retards leotards. Big hair and shit movies. Steve Wright in the after-fucking-noon and eleven lads in your class all called Kevin.

Now:

Quantum red shift (X-box). It's a Wipeout clone, but it's better. The graphics are amazing, no pop up just smooth deep and colourful. Excellent controls, well thought out extras and a half decent soundtrack. Pisses all over the eighties.

Twenty years ago today.

I was sitting in a maternity ward biting my fingernails to the quick. Tracy was in labour and I didn't feel old enough to pace up and down with the rest of the prospective dads. At about half ten that night the taxdodger arrived, I was relieved because Tracy had been squeezing the life out of my left hand, it was all withered and pale. After I had phoned everyone I got a taxi home, it's all a bit of a haze, but one thing I do remember is going back to the hospital the next day and the radio played (in the middle of summer) "when a child is born".

Happy birthday Si, have a good one !

A tree full of Monkeys.

Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys.

Everyone on a different branch at different levels; some going up and some coming down.

When the ones at the top look down, all they see is smiling faces. When the ones at the bottom look up, all they see is a bunch of arseholes.

Day 7.

I quit ! I know the old saying "no pain no gain" but being miserable just isn't how I like to spend my time. I haven't fallen off the wagon big style, mainly because my appetite hasn't come back yet. I'm going to try eating a little less and taking a little more exercise. I'm now calling it the bluetealeaf seven-day diet; well I did lose half a stone !

Puzzle time.

8 Chickens cost £1
1 Sheep cost £1
1 Pig cost £5

You have £100 and you must buy 100 animals. You must spend exactly £100 and your animals must be a mixture of all three kinds. How many of each animal do you buy ?

Day 6.

Today has been the worst; I’ve had a splitting headache all day. I feel lethargic and my legs feel weak. These symptoms do fit in with some of the debunking theories, but also the Atkins plan tells you that you may experience some of the symptoms I currently have. On the plus side my weight has dropped by half a stone in six days.

I am currently undecided as to whether I should endure the symptoms and carry on regardless, or listen to what my body is telling me and revert back to my ordinary diet.

I think I will at least see the week out before I decide.

Day 5.

I've had bad cravings today, I want coffee and biscuits badly, jaffa cakes are the ones and I can almost taste them. I'm not giving in. I have found that decaffeinated Earl Grey with no sugar tastes half decent, but there is no substitute for the smashing orangey bit in the middle. Cravings aside, I have totally lost my appetite; I had to make myself eat some dinner. Twelve hours shifts always made me very hungry, so there has been a definite change in my body chemistry. Nine days to go and so far I'm feeling good.

Day 4.

Lost five pounds !

Off to watch City in their first competitive European game since I were a lad, we beat Barcelona on Sunday, just watch us lose to a bunch of Welsh part-timers.

Update:

Doh ! I thought it was Thursday, a side effect of working continental shifts.

Day 3.

Things are going ok. For tea I had gammon, sausages, scrambled eggs, mushrooms and a small amount of tomato. Ok, I missed the bread and coffee but it still went down well. So far I haven't had a craving for pie and chips and I'm almost a quarter of the way through !

Thanks go to the taxdodger for the information on yesterdays bug. Although anyone with the audacity to have draught Stella piped to within inches of his PC, should find such bugs a piece of piss.

If you are getting this:



Read this, then download this. Then install it. You may have to run a fire wall while you do this, as the file is about 1.2 meg, and you may not get enough time to do it.

Day 2.

I'm not sure whether it's early days or not, but everything seems to be going ok. I haven't been hungry, but I have had a little craving for sugar, oh and I'm pissing for England. I don't feel any thinner yet.

Gallery update: I have finished the main page and the about page, I just have the submission page to finish and it should be ready to upload. I'm aiming for Saturday night so you can start getting your submissions ready !

Life's a bitch then you die, black hell.

I spent part of Friday afternoon at a funeral. An all too familiar setting these days, and one I hope will be my last for a good while. My inner voice tells me that death is just a part of living, albeit the last part, but a part of life we will all experience. As there is no god there should be no other consequence of death, and grieving is our way of coming to terms with our loss. But it's not that simple is it ? I took the opportunity to do a little people watching whilst the afternoon played out. I saw lots of people dealing with the occasion in a number of ways. I'm not going to dissect the whole thing here, I've done that in my head over the last twenty-four hours, but I can tell you this. The experience has reaffirmed my belief that most grief is self-centred, that death is the final part of life and that once you are dead there is nothing more.

I know that people do genuinely grieve for the person that has died; I'm not trying to say that everyone is only thinking of themselves, I'm generalising. There is a poem that puts the whole grieving process into perspective for me, can I find it ? Can I fuck ! It was in a Bloodaxe book of contemporary women's poetry and summed up the whole thing beautifully. If you know which one I'm talking about please let me know.

One nice thing about the afternoon was seeing my dad again; it's been a couple of years. I'm not into the whole catharsis part of blogging, lets just say a lot of water has passed under many bridges, and I haven't been as easy going with him as I have with my own son. A failing on my part and we'll say no more. The thing with father son relationships is that you can just pick up where you left off, no recriminations or sulking, just a chat like we only spoke last week and a promise to keep in touch. The usual pattern, but neither of us is getting any younger so lets hope we can keep it this time.

The last sup.

I am just taking the top off my last beer for two weeks ! I am about to embark on the induction fortnight on the Atkins diet, and I'm determined to do it properly, no cheating. The hardest part will be the beer, it's hot and shitty and beer hits the spot especially after a twelve-hour shift. I decided last Sunday, whilst walking around the Trafford centre, that I needed to lose a bit from around the middle. I actually noticed my reflection in a shop window and didn't like what I saw.

I have never contemplated going on a diet before, not bad for thirty-seven eh ? So tomorrow is a first, I weigh eighty-two kilograms, which in old money is twelve stone eleven pounds approximately. I'll keep you posted as to my progress although I'm only going to weigh myself once a week, I'll tell you if I look or feel different

I've just drained the last few drops from the bottle, all that remains are the few beads of condensation that cling to the outside of the stumpy brown empty vessel. Over the next two weeks whenever you tip a cold one to your lips and take a quaff of the amber nectar, as the angel cries on your tongue, think of me.

Cheers !

Men's sweat.

Only attracts other men, or so the advert goes. Here's another one: Women's hairdos are only noticed by other women. Do we men really notice when our partners spend two hours with a hair dryer and brush ? I know I don't (unless she asks if it looks nice) so I can only assume that all the fucking about is for the benefit of the other women.

Disengage misogyny mode.

I'm with the barbarian.

Conan, what is best in life ?

To defeat your enemies,
see them driven before you,
and to hear the lamentation of the women.

Can't say fairer than that.

Don’t fear the reaper.

I was going to write about death and the part it plays in all our lives, then I was going to dedicate the post to someone I had known most of my life, who sadly died on Tuesday. But everyone dies, and do we really get sad for them, or is it ourselves we are sad for ? After eight funerals in less than three years I am currently pondering my feelings on death and the grieving process, I’ll get back to you when I’ve got it straight in my head.

I’ve got a summer cold and it’s making my head feel fat, my nose is doing a passable impression of a tap, and my throat has taken on all the attributes of sandpaper. Some germ infested twat breathed in my general direction and shared their little visitors, and now they are running riot inside me.

I have just re-read the last couple of months of this blog, and I must say it’s utter garbage. I may have to resort to some time off in order to freshen things up a bit. I have been toying with the idea of creating a gallery, a place where anyone can display their artwork. Photographs, drawings, paintings, in fact anything that you can put in a browser window that you created yourself. This might take me away from the once a day, multi-vitamin blog that you are currently reading. What do you think ? And would you contribute to the gallery ?

Fucking moths.

It’s lovely weather, but my life-long nemesis also loves it like this. I now find myself hoping for a cold snap. The dirty-hairy-evil-bastards wait till I’m in the vacinity before setting off on their chaotic flutterings that always seem to end up somewhere near my face. I’m sure the food chain would survive admirably without the fuckers.

Why do some of our customers feel duty bound to impart their life story to us, I had to go and look at the shop sign again, just to make sure it didn’t say Lock and Load and Listen. What’s even sadder is that I haven’t the heart to tell them to bugger off, I just sit there and listen with fake concern when the stories of woe are poured forth, and all the time I’m thinking “Wouldn’t it be good if people were suddenly struck dumb, and had to rush to the specialist and write down their symptoms. They would scribble feverishly on a post-it telling the doctor about their unfortunate condition and he would prescribe being quiet for a fortnight”. But then it struck me that if you were dyslexic you would be well and truly fucked, you’d scribble your post-it note and end up being treated for a bad case of Nobby Styles.


Back to the dirty-hairy-evil-bastards, join me in helping to remove them from the food chain, sponsor a bat today. I have, my money is backing a Pipistrelle called Dave, he’s doing a grand job.

Can you tell I’m back on night shift ? My mind is all over the place, need coffee now !

Portal.

It's up and running, and could possibly go through some minor changes. One idea from Dr.D has been incorporated, and a damn fine one it was. Any other thoughts or suggestions in the little box please.

T3 was very good; I'm not giving anything away so you can read on. Arnie was better than I thought he would be, and the evil robot looked suspiciously like Tamsin Outhwaite, Oh and good ending !