Cancer.

    June 21st - July 22nd.

Cancerians are - Accomplished polishers, red handed, prone to schadenfreude and enamoured of hard liquor.

Look for your cue in a cloud formation this month, when you see the face of Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen in a Cumulonimbus rush out and drown the cat. Replace the deceased feline with a pewter one, it takes a lot less looking after and your friends wont say you stink of cat piss. This month is a good time to think a little more logically, Cancerians are normally the kind of people who move their house ten feet to take the slack out of the washing line, so sit down and think things through properly, it will save you a lot of heartache later. Finally, if you are approached by someone pushing a pram, don't go near it, it's your cat reincarnated and it's not happy !




Do: Buy a donkey stone from a rag and bone man.
Don't: Steal from that washing line again.
Say: "I think David Ike has a valid point !"