Funny.

Taxdodger just gave me this link, it's very good, especially the adventures.

Question time.

Does doubt have a shadow, can anything ever be the new black, and is it possible to be so bad it's good ? All valid questions if you are stuck with nothing to do. But, what about this, if a woman can go abroad to have a designer baby even if it's for a good reason, then is it ok for a woman to go abroad and choose to have a baby with blonde hair and blue eyes ? What if her husband had a swastika tattooed on his arm ? Do we draw lines, or let everyone do what the fuck they want to just because they can ? OJ has already proven that with enough cash you can get away with murder, are we heading for a future where people with large amounts of disposable income can live above the law, and the rest have to tow the line ? You might argue that we have it now, but in the example I just gave the woman went abroad, this is cropped up a lot recently, Gary Glitter went to Cuba to carry on having sex with children. It doesn't cease to be illegal just because you do it somewhere else, but then bank robbers live a nice life on the Costa Del Sol. What we need to do is create an international criminal court, oh that's right we have, so now what ? What about breaking down some of the borders and forming a European state, then maybe we could curb the growing global dominance of the good old US of A and at the same time we could make sure that anyone who, say, kills innocent people in a foreign country would stand trial and be judged by their peers.

Dreamtime.

Yesterday morning, just before I woke up, I had a strange dream. It was an idea for a short play, in fact I new as I was dreaming it because it starred Ricky Tomlinson. I played his son, and after going round to his house and realising what a bitter and twisted old twat he was I went for a walk. During this walk I travelled back in time and had the chance to have a long conversation with my young dad. This is where the dream ended, but the rest of the story is there in my head.

Here's the catch: Sometimes, because I snore ever so quietly, Tracy has the television on low all night and I am left wondering if my subconscious has picked up on something on the TV at some point during the night. It does sound like a cross between good night sweetheart and where the heart is. I'm sure you'll let me know if my somnambulant ponderings are a load of plagiarised donkey shit.

Bed time, got a computer fair later on today.

Scum

The Sun has done it again; you would think they'd have learned their lesson after Hillsborough. Today they printed a picture of a dead footballer. This after campaigning furiously to stop the BBC showing dead soldiers on television.

The hypocrisy is astounding !

Mambo #beer.

A little bit of Budvar in my life
A little bit of Stella by my side
A little bit of Vyborg's all I need
A little bit of Alt beer's what I see
A little bit of Tenants in the sun
A little bit of Holsten all night long
A little bit of Breaker here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man

RIP

Marc Vivian Foe.

I appologise !

For being a bit dim. My comments haven’t been working for a few days, and I thought it was because no one was interested. Then it crossed my mind that it was a little long without a single person saying something so I opened up the little box…….and lo and behold it had comments in it. After a short investigation it transpires that the yaccs box installed before September last year doesn’t like the new blogger system. A quick cut and paste of the new code into the old template and Robert was my father’s brother.

This throws up another problem; I have some comments that need answers. I’ll put them in a post sometime tonight. Once again sorry for being a bit of a dick, we’ll call it my blonde period !

Bloggers digest.

This is a sort of summary post, some things that have been in my head this week, and for one reason or another have failed to come out. If you have read similar things in other blogs, sorry, but I’m a little behind at the moment.

It always makes me chuckle when the right wing moral majority cries foul over some person unlucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. This week it was a gay bishop, poor bloke. At least he confines his sexual proclivities to adults, unlike other members of the god squad who see it as their duty to shag choirboys. It brings a whole new meaning to moral rectitude.

I wish Big Brother would fuck off.

Some geezer dressed as Dave Lee Travis in drag gatecrashed the royal birthday party. And ? Who fucking cares, as a taxpayer it was my cash that paid for the fucking party anyway. It’s about time we abolished the monarchy, if nothing else it would save a fortune on special police, and shit comedians wouldn’t get front page news for doing things that are not even vaguely funny.

I wish Big Brother would fuck off.

You know the world has gone mad when a mediocre football player and a second rate pop star go on tour around the far east, and not only make ten million pounds but also manage to grab the front page from poor old Tony Blair, who is desperate for us all to know that he has found absolutely fuck all weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. The allied forces failed to find Bin Laden, they have lost Saddam and can’t find any WMDs, has anyone considered the possibility that all three are in the same place ? Presumably along with New Labours ethical foreign policy and Sven Goran Ericsson’s big book of football tactics.


I wish Big Brother would fuck off.

D. I - fucking - Y.

Today saw another foray into the hated world of DIY; I built a chest of drawers. It came flat pack from Durham Pine; unfortunately they forgot to include any instructions. So, laid out on our bedroom floor was the most expensive jigsaw I had ever seen, with all manner of screws ranging from tiny to extremely fucking large and pointy. Amazingly it's now standing complete and full of clothes in the corner of our bedroom, and what's more it's holding the weight of a full size telly. I declare it a success, apart from the slight cut on my right shin, which came off second best in an argument with a screwdriver. That aside, I still thought it would be a good idea to hang the pictures that have been sat on the floor for about six weeks. Well, they are still where I hung them over an hour ago, so looks like it's two out of two, I'm on a roll.

Shit happens.

I looked in my rear view mirror, after running over the cat, to see it survived my car running over its head, but because it ran off there was little I could do. I feel bad even though the cat gave me little option due to the speed it ran out in front of me, if it died, it died a senseless death.

I looked over my shoulder in the direction of the screams, I was about ten feet from a stoat chasing a baby rabbit. The chase was over very quickly, the stoat went for the throat and the scream stopped dead. The rabbit was still jerking slightly as the stoat dragged it off over the hill. The stoat had to do it, to survive and feed its young, the rabbit died for a reason.

Two different deaths in two days, and I'm finding it hard to figure out the differences, apart from the obvious. I know one thing, I never want to hear that scream again !

Cancer.

    June 21st - July 22nd.

Cancerians are - Accomplished polishers, red handed, prone to schadenfreude and enamoured of hard liquor.

Look for your cue in a cloud formation this month, when you see the face of Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen in a Cumulonimbus rush out and drown the cat. Replace the deceased feline with a pewter one, it takes a lot less looking after and your friends wont say you stink of cat piss. This month is a good time to think a little more logically, Cancerians are normally the kind of people who move their house ten feet to take the slack out of the washing line, so sit down and think things through properly, it will save you a lot of heartache later. Finally, if you are approached by someone pushing a pram, don't go near it, it's your cat reincarnated and it's not happy !




Do: Buy a donkey stone from a rag and bone man.
Don't: Steal from that washing line again.
Say: "I think David Ike has a valid point !"

Quick one.

Taxdodger got me a new mobile phone for father's day, it's blue. I watched the Empire strikes back and Total recall in the same day and I ate more than I should have.

To take a break from my OU books I am reading about Sadam Hussein, hmm maybe I could have picked something a little lighter, maybe a book about the origins of surrealism ?

Tomorrow I have pictures to hang and a chest of drawers to build, that's if I can sift through the trail of destruction left by aforementioned dodger of tax.

Shaming the devil since 66.

Things that make me go hmm !

The real purpose of the Pyramids and Sphinx, the life and times of Jesus, whether the universe will stop expanding, why people eat Avocado, the Nazca lines, king Arthur, Jacobs ladder, jazz, why successive England managers have persevered with Heskey, TS Elliott, the paranormal, white wine, America, billiards, rambling, Atlantis, faith in gods, big brother, dance, and the Yeti.

In the coming weeks I may even tell you why each one makes me go hmm.

Can you hear gnawing ?

All my beer has mysteriously disappeared, the cupboards are empty and the house looks like it’s been invaded by the Mongol hoards. Yes, the taxdodger is here.

The car failed its MOT on a couple of tyres, you know…one of these days I’ll take a car for its MOT and it’ll pass without anything needing to be done. I’m not going to hold my breath though.

Gotta go, I think he’s eating the fridge !

All the time in the world ?

Tomorrow we go to collect the taxdodger from his hovel somewhere in the northwest. His visit is primarily intended to clean us out of food and drink, but I’m sure he'll find time to fit in a little lazing about between his gluttonous endeavours.

He’s twenty in August, which makes me feel older than I feel……I know that doesn’t make much sense; you’ll just have go along with it. It only seems like two minutes since I was teaching him to ride his bike, and even less since I was stood in the bathroom showing him how to shave. When he left for university it was his mum that did all the crying, I was pleased for him for flying the nest and making his own way. I really didn’t think I’d miss him as much as I have. The mad conversations about space and time, the games of football, the ferrying about to his mates and all the other things that dads do.

The passage of time really is a fucking twat !

No rest for the wicked !

Some days are really empty, empty because nothing much happens. Today has been extremely full. This morning Tracy won a radio competition for free cinema tickets, not a big prize I know, but a prize none the less. She correctly identified the theme to "The king and I" and got to talk to the DJ. They don't do it live, he records it then plays it back a few minutes later. Cheat !

Then, after we shut the shop we went to Newcastle, mainly to visit Ikea but we also went for the fish and chips. After all the artwork I have bought off ebay recently we needed a lot of picture frames and Ikea is very good for those. As always we ended up buying a lot more than just picture frames and didn't get home till gone half ten.

Ok, so it doesn't sound too full, but we did a day's work in the middle of it all, and the drive over to Geordie land was punctuated at regular intervals with speed cameras. Soon there will be no fun in having a little sports car !

Answer.

puzzletimecanyousolvepuzzlestheanswerisgreenputtheanswerinthebox

That’s how it looks after the decode, below is how it should look when you have spent five minutes straining your eyes…….I know, it’s a lot of fucking about.

Puzzle time.

Can you solve puzzles ? The answer is “green”. Put the answer in the box.

Enigma ?

For those who tried and failed, here’s the missing page. If you still want to solve the puzzle don’t click on the link and don’t read further down.

It’s obviously a code, and one I was given a few years ago. The clues are in the source code. The taxdodger made a little program to encode any given text. He omitted, however, to program one that did it in reverse, otherwise I would use it regularly in my emails.

If you have looked at the page and simply can’t be arsed to decipher the code, I’ll tell you tomorrow.

VFXAX XXXAX AFVXD AVAAF

DXDGD FXVVD XAVVV DAXXD AFVFX AXXXX

AXAFV VVXGD AFDGD FVVXF AFAVD AVVFX

AVAFA FDFVF XAVXV XGDAF DGDFV VXFAF

AVDAD FVXGD AFAAV DXG

Obviously.

. . . What is my spectrum? I am blue: My main color is blue. I am a little bitter when people choose a blissfully ignorant aproach to life. I try to see things for the way they really are. . What is my spectrum?

via Laura

You're twisting my melons man.

I have resisted the temptation, until tonight, to watch 24-hour party people. Being Manchester born and bred I thought it wouldn't live up to the reality. Madchester was something that passed me by, the scene not the music, I still like the Happy Mondays and New Order. Although the film didn't even mention the best Factory records band, The Adventure babies, it was still a decent film. Steve Coogan played Tony Wilson, or Anthony H Wilson, as he prefers to be referred to nowadays, and he got him just right. There were some fantastic one-liners, especially from Shawn Rider. The thing that pissed me off a little was that it makes it look as though the whole thing was down to Factory and the Hacienda, no mention of The Smiths, James, Stone Roses, Inspiral Carpets and a host of others that made Manchester what it was back then. Well, it was only a film I suppose. It did remind me what a fantastic song "Love will tear us apart" was.

I've found a really nice poetry archive; in fact I've been on it for hours. Such beauty in a collection of abstract squiggles. I also found this via Rense, history repeats itself, or are these self-fulfilling ideologies perpetrated by men obsessed with their place in history ?