A four-dimensional carnival dream full of atmospheric turbulence and splashes of colourful sounds. Unfamiliar balloons of serenity float amid cascading stars, pulling me along to meet the purveyor of magic beans. To the rise and fall of the hawkers call, I'll follow in the footsteps of the wolf. Just call me Jack the somnambulator.

Clive Tyldesley: "1998 and 2000 were vintage years for France, but 2002 is looking a little corked" !

This is a test post, I'm trying out w.bloggar. Senegal have just scored against France, and a whole new batch of cliches have been started..... "..the world cup has started with a bang, and it's the bang of an African drum" it can only get better !

I have a sick note for another two weeks and a portable tv set up next to my pc, so as I post this I am watching France against Senegal. An absolute stroke of genius !

Writing a weblog is very much like making love to a beautiful woman, or it would be if Swiss Tony was writing it.

In the summer of 1986 I was working shifts making rubber gloves, the place was a real shit-hole, hot, noisy, dirty….and did I mention hot ? One of the lads had an old beaten up radio-cassette player, and we used to listen to all sorts of stuff, we would take turns bringing music for everyone else to listen to. At the time I was mainly listening to Simon and Garfunkel, Prefab Sprout, Stone Roses plus a host of others. One night a bloke called Dave Gray (no not THE David Gray) brought an old cassette in for us to listen to, but everyone was listened out, and we spent a quiet night instead. A couple of nights after I happened to be working on my own, and I asked Dave if I could borrow the tape, I listened to it over and over again, I had never and still haven’t heard anything to compare to the music I heard that night. I was enthralled, I have Dave to thank for a musical revelation. I hope that someone reads this, listens to some of the great man’s music and starts a musical journey like the one I started all those years ago. Try these: Alice, and Another man’s vine.

Two nice links from Jody.

If you missed it, and if you don’t know what “it” is then you probably did, or you can’t receive tv broadcasts from Britain, then check this out.

this is interesting (via blogsplitter )

Do you fancy packing fish in Alaska ? What if I said you could earn $8000 per month ? Still not convinced eh, well what if they throw in your food and lodgings ? Is it me or do some things sound too good to be true ? Ok it’s sixteen hours a day, six days a week….but a job is a job ! If you are interested take a look at this. (thanks to Terry for the link).

If you’re ever in Cumbria and you like sausages and bacon, then make a detour to Waberthwait and go to this fine butcher. If you are vegetarian then don’t even follow the link, you’ll only get upset.

Oh, by the way, read this if you’re thinking of having kids at some point in your life. It’s happened to the best of us.

big problems with Blogger, does anyone know what's wrong ?

Some more interesting stuff I have seen on my wander around the world wide web:
[This] - [from here].
[This] and [This] - [from here].
[This] - [from here].
[This] and [This] - [from here]. and finally,
[This] - [from here].

Things that have made me go hmmm this week:
[This] [This] [This] [This] [This] and [This]

We also went here, and got one of these. Much beer to drink……note to self, must get out more !

ROAD TRIP !!!!


We’re going here, here,and here.

Eurovision: so bad it was brilliant, including three transvestite air hostesses, Cypress and Greece voting for each other, and one of the presenters couldn’t speak French very well. I tipped Latvia to win…I wish I’d had a bet.


Am I Obsessive or just sad ?
1. Publish new post to weblog.
2. Send ping to weblogs.com
3. Wait 1 minute.
4. Load recently changed weblogs page.
5. Read all the blogs posted after me to the top of the page.

I have actually found some really good stuff this way…….stop laughing !


200 Taiwanese people die on a China airlines plane crash, Tony Blair and George Bush still alive and well…….where’s the fucking justice in this world ?

Make a note in your diary, set your alarm clock, knock your head on the pillow....do whatever you need to do, but make sure you're awake with your television set for channel 4 on Wednesday night at 23:05. Mark Thomas has a special program on about secret government sites in britain. Don't miss it !

I really hope this is true!

I watched the first “ Big Brother ” and I thought it was very good, a refreshing idea in a medium that has gone terribly stale over the last few years. Tonight it started again, for the third time. I didn’t watch the second one and I have no intention of watching this version either. Channel 4, who are usually quite good, are just cashing in on a tired formula and it illustrates perfectly the lack of imagination in program makers. A lack of imagination that forces me to sit in front of this screen instead of that one, in fact I think I’m going to have to make a list of things to do, so that when it’s on I can busy myself with something else – a sort of twenty-first century “why don’t you………” Any suggestions for a new version of Doris ? Oh, by the way……does this page take a while to load, or is it just me ? I think I’ve arsed with it too much.

The sea is trying it’s best to get into our house, by hook or by crook. It’s battered the harbour all day, throwing sand and dust into the air to settle on everything it finds. When the tide started to go out it was almost petulant, throwing a tantrum on our little marina. It’s nice and warm in here though !


Because I am still off sick I feel duty bound to stay indoors all day and do nothing. With all this time on my hands you would think that I would find the time to post something decent, but no. The downside of doing nothing is that there is nothing to write about. You will have to make do with some more random links, and spurious paragraphs, devoid of meaning and padded out more than a very large padded thing……. ….that’s very padded.

Look down, down near the date and time.......I have just installed a comments section so you don't have to bite your tongue when I post something you don't agree with. Just fill in the little box and Robert will be your fathers brother. Happy commenting !

I think Mick McCarthy has made the right decision in sending Roy Keane home from the world cup, and this has nothing to do with him being an ex-blue, and Keane being a red. This is the world cup we’re talking about, it only comes around every four years. Bravado is all very well, but when it costs you a place in history, it’s worth thinking twice before you shout the odds to all and sundry. I hope Ireland do well, I hope England do well, but above all I hope the City players that are there do well and stay injury free for next season.


Today I have done very little, except surf and nick music off the net. I set up a list in Audiogalaxy and left it downloading all day, I have about 500 meg of tunes and when it reaches 700 meg I’m going to wack them on a cd. For now, I’m going to make a huge playlist in winamp, chillout, surf and listen to all the music on my hard drive. Groove Armada, The crystal method, and a couple of Propellerheads are well worth a try. Tonight will mostly consist of German beer, Apfelkorn, and more surfing.

I have a lovely row of sharp teeth at the front of my mouth, a pair of grey-blue eyes which give me binocular vision and excellent depth perception. Do you really thing mother nature endowed me these attributes to trap a fucking cabbage ? Do I really need Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen to tell me how I should decorate my living room ? Do I need a pompous journalist to tell me Morrissey is gay ? and do I care ? Do I need to see a “baby on board” sign to make me drive carefully ? Do I need pop-up adds in my life ? Do I need to listen to Charlton Heston extolling the virtues of fire arms ?……..NO I FUCKING DON’T

Do I need all the dog owners around here to pick up the shit that their canine friends dump on the pavement outside our house? do I need newspapers to tell the truth? do I need internet explorer to do it’s job properly? do I need back-stabbing shit-head work colleagues to say it to my face? do I need more alcohol in my diet ?………..YES I FUCKING DO.

Thanks, I feel better now.

Fuck the Friday five, here’s the Wednesday one:

If you could have written one song, which one would it have been, and why ?

Mine is “ take it with me ” by Tom Waits. It’s one of the most beautiful songs I have heard, it’s simple, honest and from the heart.

If you want it, and can’t find it anywhere let me know, there are ways of achieving things as important as this.

One more thing:
RIP Roy Paul, one of the great City players of the last century has died aged 81. He captained Wales and helped City to a 3:1 cup final win against Birmingham City at Wembley in 1956.

life reminds me of a giant four dimensional jig-saw, without the picture on the box, and with no prior knowledge of the number of pieces we have to arrange. Each one of us will have a vastly different end result, but I suspect most of us will construct our final image using the same palette. Original thoughts will be our new colours, throw these strange new hue’s out into the ether and let others use them in their life landscapes. I enjoy the search for new shades of established colours, and I look forward to merging them with my base tones and creating a different vision of how I perceive things to be. I hope your jig-saw is bright, colourful and full of vitality, and with a little good fortune maybe some of our pieces will be interchangeable.

<drink>Beer</drink>
<meds>Ibuprofen</meds>
<music>Stranglers</music>
<thoughts>three dimensional</thoughts>
<hue>Fragmented spirograph</hue>
<texture>Globular</texture>

Apparently I’m worth $1,793,062.00 and here’s me thinking I’m skint !

Today has contained: Watching the rain on our window, going out, four quid library fees, Plastic Bertrand, Burger and chips, pet shop, dreamweaver, Blogger problems, Jam (the group, not the conserve), City and Anelka, a weird conversation with a car salesman about colloquialisms, a scarf, Bob Marley, nuclear trains, golden brown, more pills, coffee, looking out of our window at the rain…..”and as I watch the drops of rain, weave their weary paths and die, I know that I am like the rain, there but for the grace of you go I”………………

Gemini (May 22nd – June 22nd).


Have you lost your shoe ? Hang on I think that might be Scorpio…..yes it is, your shoes are safe this month. Your mind, however, is not. As a Gemini you have two minds and this month they are going to have a big argument and stop speaking, you will be stuck in the middle as usual. Take advantage of this quiet mental time to see how normal people live. Towards the middle of June your warring minds will make up and you will be plunged back into your usual mental maelstrom. It is vitally important that you wear purple at some point this month, it’s your lucky colour. You have 74% chance of winning something.


Do: run everywhere. Don’t: bother Squirrels. Say: Oh it works on sooo many levels.

Paedophilia is a very emotive subject, but I’m buzzin’ on prescription drugs so fuck it here goes. This afternoon I watched the infamous “Brass eye” special on the aforementioned perversion, I had never seen it before but I had heard all the arguments both for and against. Apart from being funny it did make some valid points on the subject. Namely the way celebrities will attach themselves to any “worthy” cause that will gain them some kudos, whilst showing the world that they are not all about just making pots of cash, and who will then, in Phil Collins’ case, bleat to all and sundry when they get taken for a ride. Then, low and behold, “Tonight” with Trevor McDonald (Tracy still calls him Trevor McDoughnut) broached the subject of “Tweenies” using the Olsen twins as it’s case in point. Are we making young girls into sex objects by the way the media leads them to dress and act. A British shop was rumoured to be selling padded bra’s for pre-pubescent girls. The two shows tackled the subject in very different ways, but I have to say “Brass eye” pointed out the clash between societies perceptions far better than “Tonight”, which only succeeded in highlighting the cynical marketing ploys used by the American manager of said twins to tap the huge spending power that all young children wield. After Brass eye was repeated last week preceded by an explicit warning of it’s contents, and taking into consideration the furore surrounding it’s first showing, several people still found it necessary to complain. Let’s see how many complaints ITV get about Mr. McDonald.

Yesterday’s trip out consisted mostly of a visit to the home of football, Maine road. There was a two hour queue to have a photograph taken holding the first division championship trophy, which was too daunting to contemplate. No such queue was evident when we arrived at Harry Ramsdens for our fish and chips, which was gorgeous.

We moved away from Manchester about seven years ago, and every time we go back the volume of traffic has increased and the whole place looks more dilapidated. That is, until this time. When the Commonwealth games start in a few weeks the worlds cameras will be trained on parts of Manchester, these parts are being tarted up in readiness. If you wander away from the main areas it’s just as bad as it’s ever been. It just goes to show what could be achieved if these places actually mattered to someone who has the power or influence to get things done. Unfortunately nowadays it’s private finance that gets these things done, and rundown areas wont give them any return on their money.

I’m drinking fresh orange and soda with my pills whilst listening to Cypress hill, and I think it has made me more militant. Expect a rant of some kind later.

I’m now officially off sick, I’ve sprained my neck. So, two weeks to chill out and maybe spend some time updating my web site, and a couple of reviews for weblog review. I have some nice pink pills that are the size of a saucer, so you can expect some weird posts over the coming days, as I sit in my semi-stoned state trying to form meaningful sentences without pointless alliteration.

Been out all day, But I found this last night. It’s very simple and very addictive.

Went to see “Drunk in public” at the Civic hall last night. The first support act was a solo girl with an acoustic guitar, very good but she only did three songs and I have no idea what she’s called. The proper support act was Altar Native an acoustic threesome of guitars and fiddle, I’m going to try and find some of their stuff on the net, they were very good. Drunk in public is an acoustic smaller version of the Levellers, and they were faultless, they did all my favourite Levellers songs plus some stuff I haven’t heard before. The best thing about the night was the closeness of the crowd to the stage, there was only 250 tickets up for grabs and it seemed sold out to me. By half eleven as they came out for their second encore the place was bouncing. Best £10 I’ve spent in a long time, thanks to Sean at Rock ‘n’ Reel magazine for putting on a really good night.

Check this out [ UpSaid ] No ads, seems ok, may give them a try.

Today seems like summer, spoiled only by the fact that I have to go to work tonight. I can handle it though, I finish for a fortnight next Wednesday, some time to chill out and with a little luck the weather will be as good as it is today.


I’ve changed a couple of things again, and also added blogsnob, it gives you a random link to another blog and the link changes every time the page is refreshed. You can hop from blog to blog and there are thousands to choose from, have a look see what you think.

A couple of beers after a rather splendid curry and the fog has started to descend, Tracy said that she thinks my curry eating strategy is “ all wrong ” . I wasn’t even aware that I should have a strategy for eating my food, I just wade in, and when I get full I eat a little bit more then collapse on the settee, and lie there taking shallow breaths till it goes down. Apparently I fill-up on beer and popodums instead of taking my time, I wonder if this is a man thing or not? tell me what you think.


This weblog community is very strange, you can share your thoughts and interact with hundreds of people without meeting a soul. You can be anti-social and still be part of a very large group of like minded individuals. Is it possible to be sociably anti-social? Would we all say and act the same way if we were all in the same room? I would bet a very large sum of money that we wouldn’t, which means this method of interaction is a great leveller. We take everyone at face value instead of having our minds clouded by first impressions, and that can’t be a bad thing, can it?

Check your personality with this colour test, although it’s a bit in depth for the amount of information it takes from you. The car needs two tyres before the garage will give us our new MOT certificate, so it’s not as bad as I though it would be. I always fear the worst, which the colour test has just confirmed, although it did say some nice things as well. Television has been really crap recently, apart from re-runs of “the day today” and “brass eye”. A documentary about the secrets of Fatima threw up some interesting search results (no links for this one, you search) and has proved to me even more that the Catholic church has little regard for the truth if it gets in the way of Christian doctrine.

Our car goes for it’s MOT tomorrow, I always get this nagging feeling at this time of year, that it’s going to cost me a small fortune to get our little car roadworthy even though it’s not four years old yet. I’ve got a little bottle of something that will chase those nags away. The up side to this is we can rag the arse off the courtesy car. Every cloud has a silver cliché.

Is it me, or is blogger getting slower ?

After the post about the ancient map discovered by the Russians, I have been searching for all manner of things concerning ancient civilisations. If you're not interested in this, don't have at least a couple of hours to spare, or suffer from narcolepsy, don't bother with the links below.


Ancient war,
Atlantis and others,
Hancock,
E Zine,
Bauval,
Directory links,
Maat,
Maya,
Heyerdahl,
Cambodia,
Library resource.

Hello, my name is Simon and I’m a blogaholic. It’s been twelvty moons since my last confession. I will say five hail Caesars, and something else as well.

I’ve been changing a few things, as I’m sure you will have noticed, and now it suits the mood a little better. Aren’t cascading style sheets brilliant? I just inserted half a dozen numbers from [ here ] and Robert was my fathers brother.

My next project is to completely re-design the template to make it an original. I still stumble over the same design as mine now and again, although it isn’t one of the most popular. There is only so much you can change though, it has to have a column of text somewhere, unless I go for a really minimalist version. The trouble with minimalism is the writing would have to be fantastic, I’m not sure I could pull that off.

Andy Warhol said that everyone would be famous for fifteen minutes. He obviously didn’t take into account the advent of the fly-on-the-wall documentary. There is a distinct possibility that everyone could be famous for a whole series. Do you have an “ordinary” job ? if so you could invite the cameras round, and the next thing you know you’ve got your own TV show. We already have cruise ships, hotels, airports, hospitals, shopping centres, and a plethora of other docu-soaps all spawning spin-off shows hosted by shop assistants and hotel maids. I haven’t a problem with ordinary people getting a lucky break, what annoys me is the amount of cheap mediocre television programs that are being foisted on us by penny-pinching broadcasters. Stop mediocre television now, and spend some of the revenue from licences and advertising on employing talented people to produce original well made programs that aren’t aimed at the lowest common denominator.

The Bluetealeaf poetry competition. Read this poem, then compose two of your own stanzas. Each of the two stanzas must be of eight lines and use the same rhyming system as Mr. Auden’s. The last line of the second stanza must be “Oh tell me the truth about love”. The winners will be put on Pravda88 and linked from here.

For sale: One tin-pot chemical company, one careful owner and several crap ones. Experience in diplomacy is preferred, but not essential, the workforce usually swallow any old crap that issues from the mouths of the management. Also, an ability to tell everyone what they want to hear, whilst covering your own arse would be a distinct advantage. Must have an overdraft the size of a Latin-American country’s national debt, and the patience of the almighty lord.

In the cold light of day things didn’t seem nearly as important as they first had. Certainly not enough to put them on here. Which just goes to prove that sometimes procrastination isn’t the perennial kleptomaniac that it is made out to be. I’m going to try and get the comments thing on here, I am craving some feedback.

Bad day at hangin’ rock ! just digesting my evening meal and the day’s happenings. I’ll give it some thought and maybe tell you tomorrow. Beer awaits, and some chill out time.

The summer weather that the weekend gave us has gone, and been replaced by thick grey clouds, heavy with rain. The day is oppressive, I feel like the sky is right on top of me, like the air is slick and greasy and has a powerful surface tension that cannot be broken. I feel the need to stretch out in a cool summer breeze, under a clear blue sky, but instead I’m trapped in a syrupy bag of dampness. At least winter is supposed to be like this, you can steel yourself against it. But this, I was mugged by nature, and I wasn’t ready. In the words of Jim Royle “global warming my arse!”.

Excellent post by the frozen one today. It’s an interview with Tom Waits, the gravel voiced genius, and one of only a few I have ever read. As a fan of his music the last couple of paragraphs are both amazing and disappointing, if he forgets the best tunes, and only ever records the ones that didn’t get away, just think what wonderful music we are missing.


I have just watched Stan Boardman on “This morning” justify his racist jokes by accusing “a modern comedian” of telling a joke at the comedy store about the “ special Olympics ”, apparently a woman in a wheel chair left in tears. So it’s now official…..two wrongs make a right !


Note on adverts: I’ve just seen the new “ Sure ” advert, and it’s very funny.

Just spent a lovely day in the lakes, we’ve lived up here nearly seven years and we don’t get to see all the beautiful scenery often enough for my liking. We drove down the coast to Millom, then up via the back roads to Ambleside, then Keswick and home via Cockermouth and Workington. A couple of detours and a stop at the Swan Inn for pub grub spread the journey out a little. One of the detours was to a place called Eskmeals, where we found a weird looking military installation. For a derelict firing range there was certainly a lot of CCTV cameras about. They are up to something if you ask me, the trains from Sellafield have been carrying more than the normal amount of waste canisters recently, if you put two and two together you come up with a nice conspiracy theory, more on that later. The usual multitude of walkers, cyclists and caravaners were in everyone’s way. Where were they all last year when people needed them the most eh ? For now, beer, then later on tonight it's “ Oh brother where art thou ”…..nice !

A week after Jean-Marie Le Pen was victorious in France, the BNP have won council seats in Burnley. Too many quotes in the papers started with the immortal words “I’m not racist but……” and some of the rhetoric harks back to the bad old days of Enoch Powel and the national front marching in the streets. It amazes me how some people can be so selfish, and that’s what it all comes down to. The common theme in all the quotes in the papers and on the television was “they have this and we haven’t” or “they are having this spent on them and we aren’t”. Until the “them and us” culture changes to “we” our dreams of a twenty-first century free of hate will be remain just that…….dreams !

| posted by Simon | 3:30 pm | 0 comments

This made me laugh…….deconstruction. Many a true word and all that !

I’ve been downloading some music that I have never heard before, just taking a chance. Soulwax, Dj shadow, and Unkle, they were really good, cheers Andy. Unfortunately, for every decent track you get there is always a couple of really dodgy ones, Rammstein to name one, they could be used to scare the birds off runways, but strangely compelling. I got some old favourites as well, Ian Brown, Moby, Bert Bacharach, some of the Blade 2 soundtrack, Cypress hill, Rage against the machine. Two stand out among them all, and I would recommend you listen to them. First one recommended by Si, “Little green bag” by George Baker. The second one ties in really well with yesterdays posts about time “In the year 2525” by Zager and Evens. Both available at audiogalaxy.

I know I said early on in the life of this world-wide-waffle that I wouldn’t post every day, but that was just a little disclaimer. What I meant was I didn’t want it to be like a diary. Talking of putting your thought on the net, what about putting them in space, top link from Barroomphilosophy. You get a good couple of pages to which you commit your hopes, desires and thoughts. Then at the end of the year it’s put together with all the others and blasted into space, it then floats about for 50,000 years and comes back for our descendants to read.

Thanks to 2012 for this link, one question though…….why has it not been headline news all over the world ?

I have just found out that the monkey mayor will earn £53,000 per year. Hartlepool council had better get out their monkey cheque books. " oh my god I was wrong, it was earth all along, you finally made a monkey out of me ".

The people of Hartlepool, who once hung a monkey because they thought it was a French spy, have now elected one as mayor. A bloke in a monkey suit who works as the mascot for Hartlepool FC has won against all the odds. Peter Mandelson’s face was a picture. This must be a kick in the teeth for politicians, and rightly so. People are getting sick of the lies and hypocrisy, and this just shows the powers-that-be that voting isn’t seen in the same light as it used to be. Wouldn’t it be nice if no one voted at the next general election, it might pull them down from up their own arses. I hope monkey does a good job as mayor of Hartlepool, then we may get more animal candidates. I would like to see a racoon in charge of our local council, then we might get our bins emptied properly. I told you on Wednesday that I liked monkeys, remember - you heard it here first.

I know it’s only a small thing ( ooh-er mrs ) but the little line that’s missing from the top of my info box is doing my head in. No matter what I do I can’t get one there. In the grand scheme of things it’s not that important, but it’s there every time I look at it. I think it’s time to do the mental illness test again to see if my obsessive-compulsive score has just gone into orbit. I did my first review yesterday [Daisey] I think I got lucky, and picked a good one to start off with. I’m really enjoying all the writing I am doing at the moment, now all I have to do is try and find some that pays a wage so I can leave the hell-hole I work at. No easy task I hear you cry, well you are probably right, but you have to hope !

I have just agreed to be a reviewer for the weblog review. I have a certain amount of trepidation having never done anything like this before. I only decided to have a go because the site is actually very good, the standard of reviews is high, and the reviewers put a lot of thought into what they write. There is a school of thought that says “those who can – do, those who can’t be bothered – review” but I can’t subscribe to that, can I ? Anyway, lets see what happens !

I have always had the impression that morality has been the exclusive domain of the church, and by church I mean any organised religion you care to mention. Is it a common misconception, or does everyone generally think that religious people are good and non religious people are bad ? Is belief in a god or gods mutually exclusive with a good moral lifestyle ? I know that most organised religions are or have participated in wars, and they usually justify it by attaching some trite oxymoron like “we are fighting for peace” but do we actually believe that atheists are bad people with no capacity for forgiveness and empathy ? or any of the other “Christian” tenets for that matter ? We have fought over the last century or so to break down all the hateful stereotypes we as a society hold on to, and I’m asking myself why this one has never been addressed. There are several conflicts going on in the world at the moment that make me think that perhaps the non religious people are the ones who have the monopoly on good behaviour. Actually my vitriol is directed primarily at the church of England, the church I was born into and gave up a long time ago. The hypocrisy and double standards displayed by this archaic institution is, at times, mind boggling. I could criticise other churches, but I’m not going to here, that’s your prerogative.


Just because I am an atheist doesn’t mean I don’t believe in anything. I believe we have the capacity to make our own decisions without having to find spiritual guidance. I believe that we are capable of making amends for our indiscretions without the use of repetitive incantations. I believe we have the capacity to have faith in something without having to attend a church at regular intervals, and pay for the privilege. Finally, I believe we can live our lives without the belief in a superior being, and the crutch that a god provides, a crutch that is primarily used to negate the responsibility of our own actions.

One of the most annoying things at the moment is the way adverts are always louder than the program that’s wrapped around them. You find a nice level of sound that’s loud enough so you’re not straining to hear over the noise of the clock ticking, and just quiet enough so the neighbours aren’t banging on the wall then……SAINSBURY’S YOU DARK ‘ORSE ! Yes, old fat tongue himself bawling at you from his pretend local supermarket. Then follows the inevitable scramble for the remote control to lessen the cacophony, before next door brings a camera crew round and you end up on neighbours from hell. The thing is, the reason ad' companies do this is pretty clear to everyone, it’s to get your attention. All it actually achieves is to annoy the very people they are trying to win over, and this is the bit I don’t understand. The ad’ companies spend a fortune on market research, yet they fail to recognise the basic common sense premise “don’t piss off your customers” I think we need a new advertising guideline, that an advert should be funny ! I volunteer to sit on the new quango to determine the humour content of adverts, my first act would be to ban that mockney chef from our screens for life and ensure most ad’s contained either Monkey or Johnny Vegas, but preferably both.

I like monkeys, custard, sunshine, being somewhere else and dismembered thoughts.